


You Don't Know Me

by Night_Witch_The_Third



Series: Here's to Never Growing Up [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anger Management, Arguing, Attempted Murder, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Kissing, Awkward Romance, Awkward Tension, Awkwardness, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Denial, Distrust, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, F/M, Fights, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Neck Kissing, Old Flames, Revenge, Road Trips, Rough Kissing, Secret Crush, Secrets, Sequel, Song Lyrics, Summer Vacation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-03-29 16:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13930779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Night_Witch_The_Third/pseuds/Night_Witch_The_Third
Summary: Stan and his friends go on a summer long road trip to celebrate going into high school.  They expect it to be just a relaxing, drama free summer, but not everything is as it appears. Past mistakes start to come back to haunt them, and old secrets begin to surface once more, and the four friends have to decide whom they can trust.Sequel to Valentine's Day Frenzy. Make sure to R&R.





	1. The Really Stupid Idea Disguised as a Good Idea

**Author's Note:**

> So, shortly after finishing the first story, I give you the sequel. It is four years later, and I wanted them to do a sort of summer long road trip. I was going to make them graduating high school, but I decided to go with entering high school instead. I also wanted to include all of my favorite characters in this. How will that work out? We’ll just have wait and see.  
> Also, the song I’m using this time around is a song from the show Victorious. Just so you know.
> 
> “You think you know me…”

When one becomes fourteen in the states, one realizes high school is upon them, they’re about to enter the worst years of their life, and the only reaction one can muster is “God, damn it.” But when the last day of school was over and Stan only had a summer vacation and then high school to look forward to, he knew that he had to make this particular summer vacation the best summer vacation ever.  
“This is going to be the worst summer vacation ever,” Kenny complained as he and his friends sat on the bus after the last day of school had passed. “The entire summer I’m just going to be thinking about how we’re going to be going to high school. That place sucks!”  
“I’m sure it’s not as bad as Shelly keeps telling me it will be,” Stan said unconvincingly.  
“Besides, we still have an entire summer before high school,” Kyle pointed out, looking up from his phone. “I’m sure we can find something to do to take our minds off of it.”  
“You mean like the last time we tried to do something memorable for our break?” Cartman said, poking his head from around the back of the seat. “Because, you know, we all remember how well your last idea for that went.” Kyle frowned at him.  
“I thought we already established that that stupid zip-lining thing was Stan’s idea,” he hissed at him.  
“Oh yeah,” Cartman recalled before turning to Stan. “Don’t think of something stupid this time.” Stan’s only reply was to roll his eyes and quickly give his friend the finger.  
Even though they were on good terms now, there was still a bit of tension between him and his friends, and Stan really couldn’t understand why. He felt like whatever they did for summer vacation, it had to be something that would bring them closer together. Although, to be fair, he didn’t know why his friends never came up with any ideas of stuff they should do.  
When Stan got home, the rest of his family was sitting in front of the TV (he rarely found them anywhere else these days). They looked up when he entered and his father greeted him.  
“Hey Stan,” he said. “How was your last day of school?”  
“Fine,” Stan replied, throwing his backpack into a corner. “My friends and I are trying to think of something awesome to do for the summer before we go into high school.”  
“How come?” his mother wondered.  
“Because, we’re going from middle school to high school,” Stan pointed out. “And we wanted to have as much fun as possible before that happened.” Hesitating, he added, “Besides, I don’t know why but it seems like my friends have been kind of distant lately and I wanted to bring us closer together again. Like the good old days.”  
“You mean before or after you dated that girl who kissed your best friend and you didn’t believe him when he told you?” Shelly piped in with a smug smile. Her mother scolded her and Stan frowned at her. He was hoping to avoid ever bringing that up again, but for some reason, just when he was about to forget about it, Shelly would bring the previous fan fiction’s plot back into the spot light again. He wished he hadn’t told her about it.  
He went straight up to his room and lay down on his bed. At least things were better with Wendy. She didn’t seem to even sort of remember what had happened a few years ago with the new girl. He couldn’t decide if he was happy about that or not.  
He was interrupted from his thoughts when his father came into the room.  
“Hey Stan,” Randy greeted again. “Dinner’s ready.”  
“Kay, thanks,” Stan replied.  
“You know, I thought of something you and your friends could do for summer vacation,” his dad said, not moving. Stan looked up at him in confusion. “Well, you know how we’ve been talking about wanting to take a trip to see all of America’s greatest landmarks?”  
“No,” Stan said immediately.  
“Well, I thought it would be fun if we rented an RV and went on a cross country trip,” Randy said excitedly. “Why spend your summer going to one fun thing when you could spend it going everywhere in America?” Stan raised his head to look at his father.  
“You know, dad,” he said after a moment of consideration. “That might actually work! And it might even be fun, you know? I’ll call the others and ask them tomorrow what they think about it.”

“A cross country trip in an RV?” Cartman said, skepticism dripping from his voice.  
“Yeah, why not?” Stan replied. “Why settle on one thing to do that might turn out to be lame, when we can go see everything in America? It wouldn’t matter if we went somewhere and it sucked, because we’d just go somewhere else the next day.”  
His three friends exchanged glances before looking back at him.  
“Where are we supposed to get an RV?” Kenny wondered. “And who would drive it?”  
“My dad,” Stan replied. “It was sort of his idea, after all.”  
“You know, I think this might actually work,” Kyle said after a moment of thought. The other two thought about it as well.  
“Yeah, as long as I don’t have to pay, I’m all for it,” Cartman agreed.  
“When are we leaving?” Kenny wondered, his fists clenched excitedly.  
“A week from now,” Stan replied. “That’ll give us enough time to pack and everything. And dad can also pick the perfect RV to rent.”  
“All right!” Kenny said. “Let’s do this!”


	2. Five somehow becomes Ten and this isn’t going to go well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m glad everyone’s excited for this new story. I know I am. So, anyway, today we’re going to see everyone get ready for the trip, and stuff is going to happen. How am I going to ruin their perfect vacation? Well, read the title of this chapter and you’ll start to get the idea.  
> Just a quick word of warning, this story is going to be much longer than the first one, so I hope you’re strapped in for the long haul. I know I am!
> 
> “But You don’t know me!”

The week building up to the trip was a strange one. Randy told Stan how Kyle’s father, Gerald, would also be going and split the costs of renting the fanciest RV they could find. Stan didn’t find any problem with that, especially since it meant that their summer wouldn’t be ruined by a sucky RV. Gerald said he didn’t mind coming along, since his wife and Ike were doing something together for the summer that was totally epic and legit and not because the author didn’t feel like writing them into the story.  
When Stan told Wendy about their plans, he was surprised to see that she didn’t seem overly excited about the whole thing.  
“So, I’m not going to see you all summer?” Wendy asked in a sad tone. Stan blinked at the revelation.  
“Um, yeah, I guess,” he mumbled. If they hadn’t been talking on the phone, he was sure that she would have grabbed him by the arms and not let go.  
“What am I supposed to do without you for three whole months?” she whined. “What if you meet a girl?” Stan paused for a moment to think about it.  
“Well, what if you went with us?” he asked her. There was a pause on the other end, and for a moment, he thought that she had hung up on him for some reason.  
“Are you serious?” she asked.  
“Of course!” Stan replied. “I would love to have you along. I don’t think I could stand being away from you for that long either. The guys won’t mind, and I’m sure the RV will be big enough to fit all of us.”  
“Well, I could at least ask my parents if it’s okay,” she said.  
After hanging up, Stan went to tell his dad about the slight change.  
“Oh, that’s ok,” Randy told him. “I’m sure we’ll have no problem finding an RV big enough to hold all seven of us.”  
The next day, after Wendy had confirmed with him that her parents gave her permission to go, Stan received another call, this time from Kyle. He sounded rather hesitant.  
“Hey dude,” Stan greeted. “What’s up?”  
“So, you remember how when Kenny died, we replaced him with Tweek?” Kyle said. “Well, he told me that his parents are going on some fancy cruise without him. And I felt so bad for him that I kind of invited him to come with us.”  
“That’s no big deal,” Stan replied. “I’m sure eight of us will fit.”  
Kyle hesitated. “He asked if he could invite Craig along,” he said after a moment. Stan couldn’t help but groan.  
“You let him invite Craig?” he sighed.  
“I had to!” Kyle said. “They’ve been dating for so long now, and Tweek was saying how he couldn’t stand being apart from him for an entire summer and what do you mean eight of us?” Stan paused, now being the one to hesitate.  
“Um, I also may have invited Wendy along myself,” he mumbled into the phone.  
“You invited a girl?” Kyle asked, his voice sounding slightly annoyed.  
“She’s my girlfriend!” Stan defended himself. “And we are exactly like Tweek and Craig. We couldn’t be apart for a whole summer.” Kyle sighed.  
“Fine,” he said at last. “As long as no one else comes along. It sounds like it’s going to be a tight fit already and we don’t even know how many beds there will be in this thing.”

“Ok, seriously?” Kyle sighed. “Who the hell invited Butters?”  
None of the others replied as they stood in Stan’s driveway, waiting for his dad to pull up with the RV he had rented. Butters had just arrived with all of his stuff, waving happily and thanking them for inviting him along for the trip.  
Maybe it was because everyone else had grown at least an inch or two over four years, but it almost seemed like Butters had shrunk somehow. He had changed very little, except for letting his hair grow out slightly longer.  
The only thing different about Kenny and Stan was that they were taller, although Stan’s hair had started to poke through his hat. Craig and Tweek also looked pretty much the same, except Craig had dyed a streak of his hair blonde, while Tweek had dyed a lock of his hair black. It was actually quite adorable, the way they matched.  
Wendy, on the other hand, had started experimenting with different hairstyles and did her hair differently pretty much every other day. Kyle had somehow managed to get his hair to start growing down instead of up, and even though he still hid most of it under his hat, they could still see waves of red hair falling over his face. Cartman had grown taller than all of them and had somehow started to lose weight (for reasons he wouldn’t disclose) and he hardly looked like the ball of dough he used to be. All of them still wore the same hats they wore when they were ten.  
“Hey, fellas!” Butters greeted, coming over to them. “Thanks for inviting me to come along with you guys on this trip! My parents weren’t planning anything nearly this fun for us, and it will be nice not to have to worry about getting grounded all the time, too. So, when are we leaving?”  
Stan and the others tried to force a smile on their faces as Stan addressed him. “Just as soon as my dad gets here,” he replied through his teeth. Craig leaned over to him, not even sort of attempting to smile.  
“You invited Butters?” he asked him in a low voice. Stan glared sideways at him.  
“No,” he said through gritted teeth. “I invited Wendy.” Craig blinked at him.  
“You can’t invite two people?” he wondered.  
“I really hope this RV is big enough for all of us,” Wendy said, before Stan could make an angry retort. They were saved from having to make any other awkward comments when they saw an RV turn up the street and make its way over to them.  
The RV seemed pretty big on the outside, and not shitty looking, which was promising, and Stan only hoped it was as big and not shitty on the inside as it was on the outside. They all quickly moved out of the way as the RV slowly backed into the driveway and Gerald and Randy hopped out.  
“So, boys…and girl,” Randy said, spreading his arms wide towards the vehicle. “What do ya think? Not half bad, huh?”  
“And that’s really going to fit all of us?” Stan wondered in surprise.  
“Yup,” Gerald replied. “The dealer guaranteed it. They even had twenty workers go and fit inside it just to prove it.”  
“Well, at least some business man was honest for once,” Kyle muttered under his breath to Stan, who nodded in return.  
“Now there’s just one small problem,” Randy said suddenly. “There are…ten of us and only five beds in this thing, so we’re all gonna have to buddy up and share beds.” Immediately, Stan raised his hand in a panic.  
“I change my mind,” he said quickly. “I don’t want to go on this trip after all. I just want to stay here instead.” Randy pointed cheerily to him.  
“Too bad!” he replied. “Now everyone, hop in.”  
The teens grumbled as they all picked up their stuff and started filing into the RV. The thing wasn’t the fanciest RV in the world, but it had a cozy feel to it. Two small beds that were just big enough so that two people could sleep on it and not feel awkward sat in the back corners, and another bed was tucked in a recess above the table and booth, which Randy said could be folded out into another bed. There was a small couch on the wall across from the booth, and near the front was a small kitchen and sink, complete with a mini fridge and mini pantry. The bathroom sat in the very back, and next to it was a small shower room. A small flat screen TV was mounted on the wall.  
“Cool,” Craig commented, sounding very unimpressed. “Dibs on the top bed. Tweek, you’re with me.” Then he casually tossed his things onto the bed he had picked while Tweek mumbled something about not liking heights and being afraid that he would fall off during the night.  
“Oh, we can take this one, Stan,” Wendy said happily, going over to one of the corner beds. Stan gulped nervously.  
“We?” he repeated softly. For some reason, the thought of sharing a bed with his girlfriend made him incredibly nervous, like it had never occurred to him that she would want to share a bed with him.  
“So, where are we headed to first on this great journey of ours?” Butters asked excitedly.  
“Hey, yeah, where are we going first?” Kyle asked, turning to his dad.  
“The Grand Canyon, of course!” Gerald said as if it should have been obvious. “Now everybody, sit down and make sure to hang on tight, because we are headed out!”  
Randy, sitting in the driver’s seat, turned the RV on and it roared to life before pulling out onto the streets. The others all took seats either on the couch or at the booth, and only Butters started unpacking. There were little cubby holes everywhere in the wall to jam stuff into, and drawers under the two beds, but that was about it for storage.  
“This is going to be so much fun!” Butters said happily as he unpacked his things. “I wonder what sort of things we’re going to see and do! The places we’ll go, the memories we’ll make! This is going to be a blast!” He spoke rather quickly, and they were all taken by surprised when he suddenly turned to the others. “So,” he continued. “Which one of you fellas is going to bunk with me?”  
Immediately, Kenny, Kyle and Cartman’s eyes all widened as it suddenly dawned on them that one of them was going to have to share a bed with Butters. And each other. The moment they realized this, Kenny slammed his face into the table in despair. When none of them answered, Butters simply shrugged and went back to unpacking.  
“I’m not sharing a bed with Butters,” Cartman said matter-of-factly.  
“Well, neither am I,” Kyle replied.  
“Oh, and I am? No way,” Kenny hissed, raising his head to glare at his two friends.  
“Well, one of you guys has to share a bed with him,” Wendy pointed out, looking way too entertained by all of this.  
The three of them argued about it for most of the day, with Butters not even sort of caring about the fact that no one wanted to share a bunk with him. Then they decided that they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors, which quickly became fifty games because for some reason all three of them would not stop picking rock. Wendy watched them with ever growing excitement, Tweek looked absolutely terrified, Stan was growing more annoyed, and Craig remained completely indifferent to the entire thing.  
“Ok, seriously?” Stan snapped at last. “Will one of you just lose already so we can do something else?”  
“It’s not that simple, Stan,” Kenny replied, rolling his eyes. “You can’t just change your hand like that, otherwise you might- God damn it!” He had looked over at the other two as he had decided to switch to paper so he could win, only to discover that both Kyle and Cartman had switched to scissors, effectively making him the loser.  
“Yay!” Butters cheered, running over to Kenny and giving him a huge bear hug. “We’re going to be bunk mates!”  
As Kenny tried in vain to free himself from the crushing hug, Wendy stared at them and after a moment, she grinned.  
“I ship it,” she muttered, nodding her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s where this chapter is going to end. It will take a while to get the next chapter out, since I’m still typing it, but hopefully I’ll have it finished before spring break is over. And then I’ll be typing a little less as I try to focus more on my school work. I won’t stop entirely, of course, I just probably won’t be able to post as much.  
> But, in the meantime, remember there are three things that tell the truth: drunks, small children, and yoga pants.


	3. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I ever mentioned how much I love you guys? Because I love you guys! I love reading all of your lovely comments. It makes me happy!  
> Anyway, sappy stuff aside, we’re going to be getting this road trip underway. I have to apologize in advance if I get how long it takes them to get places wrong, I am not good with geology or times. I also have to tell you right now that there will unfortunately be no Bunny. I have something else planned for those two.
> 
> “You think you own me…”

Neither Kenny, Kyle or Cartman were happy with the sleeping arrangements, and it was impossible to tell who was the most upset about it. Kenny wouldn’t stop grumbling about having to share a bed with Butters, and Kyle and Cartman looked like they would rather do anything in the entire world than sleep near each other for an entire summer. Kenny quickly claimed the bed in the other corner of the room, forcing his two friends to take the fold out bed that looked kind of uncomfortable.  
“Can’t you just share a bed with your dad or something?” Cartman whined to Kyle as Randy pulled the RV into one of those RV lots for the night.  
“Gross!” Kyle and Gerald said at the exact same time, both looking somewhat horrified.  
Before an argument between the two could break out, it was interrupted by Butters glancing at the small bag Kenny set down on their bed.  
“Wow, Kenny,” Butters said, his eyes widening. “How did you manage to pack everything into just one tiny bag like that?”  
“Easy!” Kenny replied proudly. “I just packed the essentials.”  
Butters opened it and peered inside curiously, then looked up at him with a look of disappointment and annoyance. “Kenny,” he said seriously. “This is just a toothbrush and a pair of underwear.”  
“Yup!” Kenny said proudly.  
“You know we’re going to be on this trip all summer, right?” Stan asked, looking over at him in confusion. Kenny blinked back at him before replying.  
“I brought a second pair,” he said as if that fixed everything.  
“Did you even pack toothpaste?” Tweek wondered from where he sat on his own bed. There was a long pause.  
“I knew I forgot something,” Kenny muttered to himself, causing everyone to roll their eyes in response.  
They all began to get settled down for the night, and Tweek began to climb up to his own bed before turning to the others.  
“By the way, just a quick warning,” he said casually. “I tend to have – Ng! – night terrors in the middle of the night, so if you hear sudden screaming, don’t be alarmed or anything. Unless the screaming is coming from somewhere else. Then, you should be alarmed.”  
“You know, Tweek, you could have told me that before I invited you to come with us,” Kyle muttered. Tweek gave him a sheepish grin and hoisted himself onto his bed. Craig quickly followed him up and almost immediately fell asleep. They heard a small yelp as, still asleep, Craig quickly lashed out his arms and pulled Tweek down with him, wrapping him tightly in his arms.  
Shortly after, Wendy came out of the bathroom, wearing a somewhat short nightdress and she made her way over to sit next to Stan on their bed.  
“Sorry I took so long in there,” she said softly to him. “I had to find my nightdress because I usually just sleep in my underwear, but I decided that might freak you guys out and all.” Stan’s eyes widened with surprise as she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Well, good night!” Then she flopped down and closed her eyes.  
Stan tried to do the same, but he was painfully aware that Wendy wasn’t wearing a bra, and he was still freaked out about sleeping next to his girlfriend for some reason. She didn’t seem to mind, though, because the second he lay down as well, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself against him, all with a pleasant smile on her face. He had a feeling that he was not going to be able to sleep that night.  
Meanwhile, Butters had planted himself face first into his pillow, and Kenny wondered how he managed to stay like that and not suffocate himself. He would occasionally snore, but it was soft and muffled by his pillow, and thankfully no one else in the RV snored, so it was fairly peaceful noise wise.  
Kyle and Cartman lay as far apart from each other as the bed they shared could possibly allow. Their backs were turned to each other, and they both lay awake as well, as if they were afraid that the other would attack them during the night. It was impossible to tell what they were thinking, even to the author who was writing out this scene.  
Stan lay in his own bed, wide awake and staring at the ceiling. He could hear the soft breathing of all his friends, though he could also hear the regular, not asleep breathing coming from Kyle’s bed, and he guessed that his best friend was having trouble sleeping as well. At around midnight, he suddenly heard a heavy thud coming from that direction, and for a moment he thought about turning on a light to see what had made it. But then he realized that it was probably Cartman falling off the bed, since he had been sleeping on the edge of it.  
He didn’t know exactly when he fell asleep, but the next morning, Stan was woken by a startled yelp, a loud thud, and someone muttering “Ow!” He quickly sat up in bed and glanced around to see that somehow Craig had fallen out of his own bed and had landed on Cartman, who was still on the floor. Tweek and Kyle had also been awoken by the commotion, and were staring down at the two boys on the floor.  
“I forgot that my bed was off the floor,” Craig muttered eventually, seeing the look on Tweek’s face.  
“Get off of me!” Cartman growled up at him. Craig gave him the biggest look of indifference before picking himself up in a manner that implied that he was only getting up because he wanted to and not because Cartman ordered him to.  
Everyone else in the RV began to rouse from their sleep a few minutes later, mostly because Craig had decided to start making breakfast by throwing a couple eggs onto a frying pan and the grill that could be pulled out on the outside, then coming back inside and just forgetting about them.  
“There’s an obnoxiously decorated pink trailer on the other side of the parking lot,” Craig announced to no one when he came back inside. “It made me sick just looking at it.”  
“Good to know,” Kyle muttered sarcastically, laying back down on his bed. “Any other insightful things you noticed out there?”  
“There’s at least twelve other RVs in this rest area,” Craig told him immediately, not getting his sarcasm. Kyle let out a groan in response and rolled over, turning his back on him.  
It took a long while for them all to get ready for the day and get back on the road (especially since they were delayed with Gerald having to put out the small fire that had started on the grill), but by noon Randy finally drove the RV back onto the main road. Wendy started rifling through her bag, claiming that she had brought a couple of board games for them all to play. She sat down at the table and plopped down Cards Against Humanity.  
“I didn’t know you had this game,” Kenny said, looking over at her. “For some reason, I never imagined you playing it.”  
“Are you kidding?” Wendy replied. “I love this game! I play it with my girlfriends all the time!” She looked around at them. “So, who wants to play a round or two?”  
As they started shuffling and setting up the cards, Tweek and Craig sat down on the couch across from them, their arms wrapped tightly around each other. Kenny snickered at them as he drew his cards.  
“You two are so married,” he taunted. Craig didn’t reply, but just threw his middle finger up at him, not taking his eyes off Tweek. Kenny smirked and turned back to the game.  
They played about three or four rounds (Butters somehow managed to win every single game, much to Cartman’s ever growing annoyance), before finally getting bored of the game. Thankfully, Randy called back to them that they would be reaching the Grand Canyon soon.  
As they were packing up the game, Kyle felt his phone start to vibrate and pulled it out of his pocket. When he saw that the call was coming from home, he let out a sigh. It was probably his mom already having a panic attack and calling to make sure they were ok.  
“Hello?” he greeted. “Oh, hey Ike. What’s up?” There was a pause as he listened to whatever his brother was saying. He rolled his eyes after a moment. “Ike, I asked you already if you wanted to come with us and you said no. Why did you suddenly change your mind?” He shoved Cartman away from him as he pressed against him, trying to listen in on the conversation. “Ike, we’re not turning around and going back to get you just because mom decided to have her boring book club in our house.” He let out another sigh. “We’re already two days out, do you know how behind going back to get you would put us? …Yes, you do, you’re smart.” He paused for another moment. “Well, you’re just going to have to suck it up… Fine, I’ll get you a nice souvenir from the places we go, ok? …Ok, I’ll talk to you later.”  
“What’s up with your brother?” Cartman asked, sitting back and looking at him. Kyle let out another long sigh.  
“Oh, Ike’s at that clingy age,” he sighed, rubbing his temples. “He’s driving me crazy, because he’s also at that indecisive age. I asked him if he wanted to go with us, and he didn’t decide until five minutes before we left the house.”  
“I’m glad he didn’t want to come,” Stan commented. “I don’t think we could fit another person with us, no matter how tiny they are.”  
“He’s nine years old,” Kyle pointed out.  
“Yes, and he’s tiny,” Stan argued.  
“Hey everybody, we’ll be there in about ten minutes,” Randy announced, turning around completely in his seat to look at them. Gerald whacked him upside the head.  
“Watch the road, Randy,” he snapped at him as Randy turned to glare at him.  
The author didn’t know what happens when you go to the Grand Canyon, like if you go through some sort of gate and customs and shit, because she had never been to the Grand Canyon, so she decided to skip over that part and had them all getting out of the RV while also trying to think of a good way to end the chapter. Especially since she realized that barely anything happened in the chapter, but you know, whatever.  
There was a wind blowing over the canyon, and there were plenty of people there, including a terrifying group of people who must have been on some very specific tour group, because every single one of them were wearing the same shirts, pants, hats, and creepy smiles. A gift shop sat some ways away, and a few bored looking employees were mingling around.  
The group slowly filed out of the RV and huddled together as Randy and Gerald quickly took the lead. They all dodged around the other tourists and at long last got their first look at the majesty that was the Grand Canyon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now I have to look up pictures of the Grand Canyon so I can describe it better in the next chapter. Now that we’ve already hit our first destination, what will our peeps do now? I know what Craig’s going to do, but I don’t know how the others will react to the Grand Canyon yet.  
> I’ve already composed a list of all the places they’re going to hit, I just need to map out their course in an orderly way. Also, I need to make another timeline. That will take some time. Hopefully, I’ll have them interacting more with each other as time goes on, but for the moment, let’s have fun at the Grand Canyon! And remember, Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza is where fantasy and fun come to life!


	4. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, they’re at the Grand Canyon now. We’ll see how well that goes. I also need to establish a few things as well at some point, but that can wait. What’s going to happen now that they’re at the Grand Canyon? Let’s find out.
> 
> “But you can’t control me!”

They could certainly see where the Grand Canyon got its name. It was amazing and ginormous and deep. The group took a moment to let out an obligatory “ooh!” before looking around at their surroundings. They could see in the distance a river near the bottom of the gorge, carving through the rock and going on for miles.  
As they got a little closer to the edge (there was probably a fence or something, but again, the author didn’t know because she’s never been there and there wasn’t a single helpful picture when she googled the Grand Canyon), Butters immediately pulled a camera from his pocket and started snapping a million pictures. Craig, on the other hand, got as close as he could to the edge of the cliff and casually spit over the edge. Then he turned back to Tweek.  
“Ok, I’m ready to leave now,” he told his boyfriend.  
“We just got here,” Tweek pointed out, raising an eyebrow.  
“Yup. And I’m ready to leave,” Craig replied.  
As Tweek continued to stare at him in confusion, Randy walked over with some sort of map pamphlet that he had seemed to have gotten from a nearby stand.  
“Looks like we could get some gorgeous views if we hike around,” he told the group. “There’s also buses and mules that can take us all the way down to the river and such. And there’s this walk way down that way where you can walk over the gorge and look over it.”  
“Ng! You mean like, walking over empty space that could collapse at any moment and the sheer mile long fall we would take?” Tweek asked, shaking at the thought. “No thank you. I’d rather do anything but that.”  
“Don’t worry, Boo,” Craig said comfortingly, putting an arm around him. “We’ll just have a nice, lovely walk over that way.”  
“Well, I want to do that,” Kenny said, excitedly. “That sounds awesome!”  
“Yeah, me too!” Wendy agreed.  
“Ok, so I guess we’re going onto the sky walk thing, and then for a hike,” Gerald said.  
“If it’s all the same to you, dad, I think I’m going to stay around here,” Kyle spoke up. “I promised Ike I would get him something and the gift shop is right over there.”  
Gerald hesitated for a moment before replying. “I guess it’s ok,” he said. “As long as you stay around here. You all have cell phones on you, right?”  
“Dad, we’re teenagers,” Kyle pointed out, rolling his eyes. “Of course, we all have cell phones on us.” All of them pulled their phones out of their pockets just to prove it.  
“All right then, let’s just all try not to go too far then,” Randy said. Tweek and Craig turned and walked away in one direction, while Wendy, Stan, Kenny and Butters started towards the walkway with Gerald and Randy. Cartman didn’t move and Stan turned towards him in confusion when he saw that he wasn’t following.  
“Cartman, are you coming?” he asked him. His friend looked at him like he was crazy.  
“Coming with you?” he repeated. “On a hike? No way, I’m going to the gift shop too.” Then he turned and quickly followed after Kyle. Stan stared after him, then shrugged and quickly caught up to the others. He really didn’t know why he would expect Cartman to want to walk places, but it was worth a shot.  
Randy and Gerald led the group down one path, ignoring the tour guides who were talking about really boring shit, with boring science facts about the canyon. It took a while to get around this very boring tour guide, since he had an annoyingly large group of people, but they managed to get away from them eventually.  
“Oh, thank God,” Stan sighed to Kenny once they could no longer hear the guide drone on. “I couldn’t stand listening to that guy another moment.”  
“I know, right?” Kenny replied with a shudder. “I was actually starting to learn! It was horrible!”  
They didn’t say anything more as they reached the walkway that went out over the canyon and Wendy and Butters excitedly ran over to it. Kenny and Stan ran after them, and Gerald and Randy followed more slowly. The view was utterly breath-taking. The canyon stretched for miles below them and it almost felt like they were walking on air.  
“Wow, this is amazing!” Butters said excitedly. “Look how high up we are!”  
“It’s so beautiful!” Wendy sighed.  
Stan went to stand next to her, trying not to think about what would happen if the structure just collapsed. He didn’t need to turn into Tweek at the moment. He steadied himself before leaning over the railing to look down. Boy, was that a mistake. Immediately feeling nauseous, Stan leaned back and gave Wendy a sheepish grin.  
“I think this is how the fear of heights is born,” he mumbled, mostly to himself. Wendy laughed and rolled her eyes.  
“You baby,” she teased, kissing him on the cheek.  
Butters was having absolutely no problem with the height, as he leaned out as far as he could, pointing his camera towards the ground (that was about a mile below him, I might add), and happily taking pictures.  
“Pretty cool view, huh, Stan?” Randy asked his son, coming over to stand next to him. Stan had closed his eyes and didn’t open them to look at his dad.  
“Sure, dad,” he muttered. “If you say so.”  
“Why don’t we move on?” Gerald suggested. “We can get even more fantastic views if we keep walking that way.”  
“Good idea,” Wendy replied, taking Stan’s arm and leading him back onto solid ground. They regrouped and quickly started down the path again, making sure to keep moving before the boring tour group could catch up to them.

The Grand Canyon gift shop was a pleasant, medium-sized building with enough room between the aisles to not feel too cramped or crowded. The shop was filled with mostly little kids who only came here for toys and honestly couldn’t give a crap about one of America’s greatest wonders, and their parents, who could give a crap about America’s great wonder.  
As they entered the shop, Kyle gave a long sigh before picking a random direction and starting towards one of the aisles, hands in his pockets. Cartman quickly caught up to him and pressed lightly against his side.  
“You know, I didn’t think you could come up with gift ideas based on a giant hole in the ground, but I guess someone managed it,” Cartman commented nonchalantly. Kyle gave him a look.  
“I think the Grand Canyon is a little more complicated than just being ‘a giant hole in the ground,’” he pointed out to him.  
“I just don’t know what the big deal about this place is,” Cartman replied.  
“Well, of course anything sounds unimpressive when you describe it as a hole in the ground,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes.  
They were silent for a moment as they continued down another row, examining the various knick-knacks that were on sale. Most of the back shelves were lined with books on the history of the Grand Canyon, while the row they were in had novelty pencils and erasers and such. Cartman started grumbling as they slowly walked down the aisle, picking up some of the pencils and casting a bored eye on them.  
“You couldn’t have picked a more boring row to start in, could you?” he muttered under his breath. Kyle rolled his eyes at him.  
“You don’t have to follow me, you know,” he pointed out to him.  
“So, what are you going to get your brother anyway?” Cartman asked him, ignoring his statement. Kyle shrugged in response.  
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Ike’s not really all that picky yet, so I could get him anything and he’d probably like it.” His eyes widened for a moment. “I dread the day when he’ll be able to pick out the difference between a cheap present and an expensive one.”  
“Well, I can tell you right now that no nine-year old would be excited to get a pencil as a souvenir,” Cartman told him. “Unless he was a colossal nerd.”  
Kyle bit back a sarcastic retort and led the way down a different aisle, far away from the pencils and erasers. They found a way more exciting row of stuff, filled with stupid toys and useless things shaped as the Grand Canyon. There were science kits and a lot of rocks, and I don’t know, canyon shaped paperweights, I guess.  
Cartman found most of the stuff rather boring (how did you make souvenirs based on the Grand Canyon exciting anyway?), and he lazily trailed behind Kyle, who had started to keep a much faster pace than him. He wasn’t paying much attention and almost ran into Kyle when his friend suddenly stopped in front of him.  
He glanced at him in annoyance and saw that the red head was staring in confusion at someone across the store. He turned to look as well, but the person had already left and Kyle was shaking his head and looking down at the merchandise in front of them. Cartman lightly pressed himself against his side as he looked down at the stuff as well.  
They had stopped in front of a sort of box that had all sorts of gems and rocks with drawstring bags that you could fill with said gems and rocks. Next to that was a stand holding large limestone rocks with engravings etched in them that said “Someone I know went to the Grand Canyon and all I got was this lousy rock.” Kyle grinned somewhat evilly and snatched one of them up, turning it over in his hand to examine it.  
“Yeah, this will do,” he announced after a moment. Cartman gave him a look.  
“Seriously?” he asked. “That’s what you’re getting Ike?”  
“If he wanted something better, he should have just come with us in the first place,” Kyle replied with a shrug.  
Cartman rolled his eyes and turned to start towards the register, and nearly had a heart attack when he saw Tweek and Craig standing right behind him. He put a hand to his chest and tried to take deep breaths.  
“What are you guys doing here?” he hissed at them. “I thought you were going on a walk or something.”  
“We were,” Craig replied, giving him a strange look. “But then we got bored, so we thought we would come in here and make out in front of everyone in the store.”  
Tweek rolled his eyes with a sigh. “No,” he growled at his boyfriend. “We came in here because you said you had to pee, remember?” Craig blinked at him.  
“I like my story better,” he mumbled. Tweek opened his mouth to say something, but then he spotted something on the shelves behind Kyle and Cartman and his eyes slowly lit up.  
“Craig!” he exclaimed excitedly. “Souvenir mugs!” He quickly grabbed his boyfriend’s arm and happily rushed past their friends to where a bunch of different mugs were set up. Most of the mugs had the Grand Canyon as pictures on the side, but one seemed to have a mini Canyon carved into the bottom. Tweek eagerly grabbed one and turned to Craig, hopping up and down with excitement. “Craig, can I buy one?” he pleaded. “Can I? Can I? Can I?”  
One of Craig’s rare smiles crept up onto his face and his eyes softened. “If you want, babe,” he replied. “It’s your money.”  
“Oh yay!” Tweek said, drowning him out. He rushed towards the front of the shop, nearly shoving people over to get to the register. Craig stared fondly after him before turning and rolling his eyes with a smirk.  
“He really likes souvenir mugs,” he explained to Kyle and Cartman.  
“We can tell,” Kyle replied, raising an eyebrow.  
They hung around the gift shop for a while longer, browsing the various aisles while listening to Cartman complain about pretty much everything in the shop. It was a couple hours later before the four of them left the shop with their purchases. Kyle received a text from Stan that they were going over to a nearby restaurant for dinner, so they started heading over there.  
The rest of the group was already at a huge table when the four of them finally got there. As soon as they sat down, Cartman turned to glare at Stan, who stared back at him in confusion.  
“What?” he wondered.  
“Dude, your text made it seem like this restaurant was like, right outside the gift shop,” Cartman growled at him. “You didn’t tell us that we had to actually walk!”  
“We didn’t walk here,” Kyle pointed out as Stan rolled his eyes. “We took the bus here, remember?” Cartman cast a sideways glare at him but didn’t respond.  
“So, where are we going after this?” Wendy asked once the waiter came to take their order.  
“Well, the Hoover Dam is only about three or four hours from here,” Randy pointed out, checking his phone. “And then Las Vegas is a short drive from there. That’ll knock two things off our list.”  
“Oh boy, a giant wall,” Cartman muttered. “How exciting.” Kyle glared at him.  
“Seriously, Cartman,” he growled. “Nothing on this trip is going to be exciting when you keep describing everything like that.”  
“When did you become the cynical asshole one of us?” Stan wondered.  
“The Hoover Dam is the only thing President Herbert Hoover managed to contribute to America once the Great Depression hit,” Wendy added. “It’s a little more important than just being a giant wall.” Butters blinked at her.  
“I thought it was named after the vacuum cleaner,” he confessed. “You know, the Hoover vacuum?” Kenny let out a frustrated sigh.  
“Butters, you’re so stupid,” he muttered under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I’m going to end the chapter right here because I have nothing else for them to do at the Grand Canyon. They’ll be on the road again in the next chapter, and probably reach the Hoover Dam then too, since again, it’s a four-hour drive.  
> Also, has any of you been to the Hoover Dam? What’s it like? What can you do there? Did I mention the only places I’ve been to in the west are New Mexico and Arizona, and that was just for a mission trip? I may have cried the whole way there because of my paralyzing fear of planes, but I think I’ve said too much. I’m doing my best to research the places I’ve never been to, but I probably will get things wrong, so please don’t send me reviews constantly saying like “Uh, you can’t actually do that there!” and such.  
> So, anyway, leave a review and remember: Don’t grow up. It’s a trap!


	5. Why Did We Come Here Again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray! Chapter…Five? Yeah, five. We’re coming to the end of the year at college, so I’ll be home for the summer soon. Also, May 7th was my birthday! Yay! I’m twenty-seven now… I feel old…  
> Anyways, they’re going to the Hoover Dam in this chapter. That will be fun. I’d like to thank the guest who left a detailed description of the Hoover Dam for me. Thank you, guest! I’d give you a shout out, but you are a guest and you know who you are. Love you!
> 
> “You look at me…”

Stan could safely say that the dinner (or lunch, whatever) was far less awkward than the one in the previous fan fiction. He didn’t have to worry about anyone embarrassing him for one thing (except maybe his dad, but he was used to it by now). The restaurant wasn’t super fancy, but since it was next to the Grand Canyon, it was on the pricey side.  
There wasn’t much offered in the way of conversation (“Did you see how big the canyon was?” “Wasn’t it amazing?”), although Tweek did show off his new mug to everyone at the table. Stan was pretty sure that Tweek would be the only person on Earth who would ever be excited about souvenir mugs, but the way he showed it off was kind of adorable. Craig watched his boyfriend excitedly show everyone the mug with a loving smile on his face.  
Stan was anxious to get going to their next location, but everyone at the table except for him and Craig decided to order dessert, holding them up for another hour. But at long last Gerald paid the check and they finished off the last of their food and drinks. The sun was high in the sky by the time they finally left the restaurant.  
“Ok, let’s get back on the road, folks,” Randy said as they all headed towards the RV. “I’d like us to get to the Hoover Dam before the sun sets.”  
No one replied as they hustled back into the RV. Randy took his sweet time backing out of the parking space before finally driving off. The teens all settled down again, doing various things to distract themselves while they waited.  
Kenny lay on his bed, pulling out a game from his coat pocket as he did so. Craig had climbed onto his bunk and had immediately fallen asleep while Tweek sat on the couch, admiring his new mug. Wendy was casually leaning against Stan with her eyes closed and a pleasant smile on her face while Stan sat there staring down at the table. Butters was sitting next to Kenny, watching him play his game, Kyle had pulled out a book to read, and Cartman was rummaging through one of his bags, looking for something.  
Suddenly, Cartman let an “Aha!” and sat up, grinning stupidly.  
“Hey Kyle,” he said to the red head. “I just remembered something.” Kyle gave him a skeptical look before Cartman dropped a stack of movies onto the table. “I brought my mom’s romantic comedies!”  
Kyle grinned at him. “Nice,” he replied.  
Four years ago, during “the incident” when Stan had been ignoring his friends, Kyle had gone over to Cartman’s house one night for some reason. The two of them ended up sitting and watching terrible rom-com movies, making fun of them until they passed out. Ever since then, every other Friday the two of them would pick another terrible romance movie to watch and make fun of it. They never let Stan or Kenny watch these movies with them for some reason, as if only they were allowed to partake in the shitty movies they watched, and the two of them had a couple of inside jokes that made no sense to Kenny and Stan.  
The two of them even did this when Cartman had been dating and breaking up with Heidi and then destroyed Kyle’s relationship with her. Even though both of them had been angry at each other at the time, they went ahead and watched Mamma Mia anyways, and Stan was pretty sure that was the only thing that had kept them staying friends during that feud.  
“Why do you two torture yourselves with those anyway?” Kenny asked, looking up from his game. Cartman rolled his eyes at him.  
“It’s not torture the way we watch them,” he argued.  
“Then why don’t you ever invite Stan and me to watch these movies with you?” Kenny shot back.  
“Because you two aren’t ready to handle them yet,” Kyle remarked, going back to his book as Stan glared across the table at him. Cartman laughed at that comment before shoving the movies back into his bags.  
They sat in silence for a while as up-front Randy turned on the radio, flickering through the different stations. He eventually settled on an oldies station that was playing a bunch of music that only dads would like, earning a groan of annoyance from his son.  
“Did you really have to pick the old man station, dad?” Stan called to the front of the RV. Randy gave him an annoyed look through the rear-view mirror.  
“You know, when you have kids of your own, they’ll think the music you like now will be ‘uncool’ and ‘lame,’” he pointed out.  
“We’re going to have five kids,” Wendy mumbled, still with her eyes closed, the pleasant smile still on her face.  
“Yeah, but then your music is going to be even older-wait, what?” Stan asked, cutting himself off and turning to Wendy in shock, only now just realizing what she had said. Wendy didn’t reply, but her smile did get bigger. Cartman couldn’t help but burst out laughing as Stan continued to stare wide-eyed at his girlfriend.  
“So, what is there to do at the Hoover Dam?” Butters asked as the awkward silence lengthened.  
“Probably mostly just stopping and staring at how big it is,” Kenny mumbled, still absorbed in his game. “We’ll probably find out when we get there.”  
“Are we there yet?” Cartman whined.  
“It’s still three hours from here,” Gerald pointed out, turning in his seat to look at him. “We won’t be there for a while.” Cartman let out a groan in reply.  
“Quit whining,” Kyle growled, not looking up from his book. “Why don’t you actually do something to entertain yourself? We’re in an RV, after all.”  
“Yeah, and you guys are all doing boring things that you can do anywhere,” Cartman grumbled. Kyle sighed and rolled his eyes but didn’t respond.  
“What did you guys get at the gift shop?” Stan asked, snapping out of his shock. “I mean, I know Tweek got a mug and all, but did you guys get anything?”  
“Kyle got a rock,” Cartman replied in a dull tone. Kyle gave him a sideways glare before his eyes darted back to what he was reading. Cartman dug into his pockets as he continued. “I, on the other hand, got this.” Then he pulled out a small, rubber donkey with big, bug eyes. Before Stan could ask what it was, Cartman squeezed it, and the donkey’s eyes popped out of its head and made a high-pitched squeaking noise.  
Stan flinched. “Really?” he asked. “You got something obnoxious? Why?”  
“Does it annoy you?” Cartman replied.  
“Yes!”  
“Well, that’s why I bought it,” he explained. He then proceeded to squeeze the donkey repeatedly with a stupid grin on his face as Stan glared at him. He probably would have been squeezing it all the way to the dam if at some point, ten minutes in, Kyle suddenly couldn’t take it anymore. He reached over and quickly snatched the thing out of Cartman’s hand and shoved it into his pocket.  
“You can have this back at the end of the summer,” he growled, his eyes never leaving the pages. Cartman glared at him but didn’t argue and instead just slumped back into his seat, folding his arms with a pouty look on his face.  
Nothing of particular interest happened for the rest of the drive, except for Craig forgetting that he was on the top bunk and falling out again when he woke up. The author, desperate to be as factual as possible, took a rather long time trying to figure out how you get to the bottom of the dam (too long, if you ask her), so she angrily skipped the part of them finding a parking space and all that other bullshit and went straight to them standing at the top of the Hoover Dam.  
The dam was impressive, standing at around seven hundred and fifty feet of pure concrete beef cake-ness. Behind them stood a wall of water that was begging to try and flow past and destroy life below it, but the dam wasn’t having it. It sloped gently downwards, with a whole couple of buildings at the bottom, as if taunting the river, saying “try to break me! I dare you! You haven’t done it yet, bitch, and you’re not going to now!” The whole thing was impressive, to say the least. And they were just at the top of the dam.  
“Not bad for a giant wall,” Wendy said, looking over the side of the non-water holding side. Cartman rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything.  
Craig was already leaning over the side and spitting, like he did at the Grand Canyon, and he stared in amazement as instead of gravity taking over, the awesomeness of a strong updraft instead took over and made his spit fly upwards instead.  
“That is awesome!” he said in a tone of voice that hinted that he might have been mildly impressed.  
“It’s fucking disgusting,” Kenny replied in a mutter.  
“Ack! That’s so creepy!” Tweek decided.  
“Do we have anything else we can pour up?” Stan asked excitedly.  
“That’s the power of an updraft,” said a voice behind them. They turned to see a rather chipper looking tour guide making his way towards them. “You see, all dams have powerful winds called updrafts that are stronger than gravity. So, when you pour a liquid like water over the side, it flies up instead of down.”  
“Wow,” Craig said, looking bored and unimpressed once more. “Way to take all the fun out of it, dude.”  
Butters didn’t think so, and was attempting to pour water out of the water bottle he had brought with him and take a picture of it at the same time. Wendy looked over at him with a slightly confused look on her face.  
“Do you want me to hold the camera, Butters?” she asked him. “Or maybe the water bottle or something?”  
“Nah, I think I got it,” Butters replied, his tongue sticking out slightly in concentration.  
“Come on, kids, I think they’re starting a tour group over there,” Randy told them. The teens let out slight groans at the prospect of learning something, but followed Randy anyway. Stan had to quickly go back and grab Butters by the arm since he was too wrapped in taking pictures, and he let out a huff as he fell into step next to Kyle.  
“I really wish you hadn’t invited Butters,” he mumbled to his friend. Kyle gave him a look.  
“I didn’t invite him,” he replied. “I thought you did.”  
“Why would I ever invite Butters?” Stan wondered with a slight growl.  
“I don’t know,” Kyle replied, shrugging. “That’s why I was confused that you would.”  
They didn’t say anything more as they joined a group with another perky tour guide standing at the head, shouting out some random facts about the dam. They then slowly entered a building nearby that had an escalator because that was literally the only thing the author had found in her search on how to get to ground level, and she was going to use it, God damn it! She then noticed the pun and slammed her head into the keyboard in shame before going back to describing what was actually happening in the story. But not before promising her readers that she would stop making fourth wall jokes for a while.  
The inside of the dam was really cool, with large turbines used for power and long, cramped hallways and junk like that. The tour guide continued to prattle on about “interesting” facts about the Hoover Dam, including how it was built and how it got its name. The teens were rather bored by it (it was summer! They didn’t want to actually learn anything!), but Stan had to say that it was still better than zip-lining.  
The group was led down one of the cramped, underground hallways like the one seen in Vegas Vacation, and the tour guide’s voice echoed back to them. After a long moment, Craig leaned forward to look at Stan.  
“I’m bored,” he announced. Stan glared back at him.  
“Suck it up,” he growled. Craig continued to give him one of his blank looks before pulling back to press himself against Tweek.  
Butters was still taking pictures of the unimpressive tunnels, before looking over at Kenny and giving him a sheepish grin. “I just remembered,” he said nervously. “I’m kind of claustrophobic.” Kenny gave him an incredulous stare.  
“How do you just remember something like that?” he snapped at him. Butters just replied with a quick shrug of his shoulders and grabbing onto Kenny’s arm with a tight grip.  
“Can I just hang on to you until we get out of here?” he asked him. “I’ll be able to handle myself better.” Kenny narrowed his eyes at him.  
“Hang onto Cartman,” he growled. “I can’t feel my arm!”  
Wendy let go of Stan to pull her hair up into a ponytail (it was kind of warm in these tunnels) and she looked back to see Kenny trying to pull his arm free from Butters’ grip. She smiled knowingly for a moment.  
“I ship it,” she remarked, mostly to herself. Kenny over heard her comment and glared at her, but she just gave him a sweet smile.  
“Shut up,” he growled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to end this chapter here, because I don’t want all of the locations to just be one chapter long in the first few places they go to. Also, I wanted to get a new chapter up soon, because it’s been a while and I’ll be starting work soon. Thankfully, we still have a week or two before we start work, so I’ll be trying to update as much as possible in that time. So, enjoy and until then remember, a bird in the hand tastes just as good as the one in the bush.


	6. They Split the Group because the Dads want to do boring dad things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was looking up stuff to do in Las Vegas when you’re under 21 (or when you’re a 27-year-old who couldn’t care less about drinking or gambling), and it turns out that Vegas is way more fun looking than I gave it credit for, and now I really want to go there some day. Oh, also you’ll be seeing some of that stuff happen when we get there. It’s gonna be a fun time. And things are gonna get awkward and stuff! Fun!
> 
> “And there’s just one thing that you see…”

After a few minutes of walking through cramped, narrow tunnels, Cartman was kind of wishing that they hadn’t brought Tweek or Butters along. Butters had decided to switch his death grip over to Cartman, and he was having a hard time getting the blood to flow back to his arm. Tweek wasn’t much better, questioning everything about the dam, thoroughly convinced that it was going to crumble and they were all going to die.  
“What if the water becomes too much and the dam bursts while we’re inside?” Tweek fretted. “What if someone sabotages it or blows it up? We’re going to die in here!”  
“Calm down, Tweek,” Craig said gently, taking his hand. “Nothing bad is going to happen to us. They’ve put plenty of measures to make sure that the dam never bursts.” He cringed slightly as Tweek squeezed his hand so tightly that he could no longer feel it in his raging paranoia.  
“Will you let go already, Butters?” Cartman snapped at him. “I can’t feel my arm!” Butters shook his head stubbornly, pressing himself closer to his larger friend.  
“Not until we’re finally out of these death tunnels!” he sputtered, looking around with wide, fearful eyes. Tweek’s eyes also widened at the words “death tunnels” and his grip on Craig’s hand tightened and Craig was slowly crumbling to the ground in pain.  
“I hope this tour doesn’t last too much longer,” Stan muttered to Wendy. “This is all super boring.” Wendy blinked at him.  
“Well, some of this stuff is kind of interesting,” she replied. “I certainly didn’t know that the Hoover Dam had a huge controversy over what its name was going to be. And I never knew that it was so big!”  
Stan smiled at her, appreciating her efforts to try and make the tour slightly less boring. It wasn’t exactly working, but still, it was a nice thought. The tour continued with the guide continuing to talk about boring stuff. They eventually got to a much larger room, and Butters and Tweek relaxed enough to release Craig and Cartman. Cartman let out a sigh of relief and started rubbing his sore arm.  
“I hope there’s no more tunnels like that,” he growled to Kenny, who simply nodded.  
“I hope there’s like somewhere to get postcards,” the blond stated after a moment. “I forgot to ask if there were postcards at the Grand Canyon, but I need to get one from here.” Cartman gave him a confused glance.  
“What are you going to use a postcard for?” he wondered.  
“Well, honestly, I was just going to press it to my face and rub it all over my body,” Kenny said sarcastically. “What do you think I’m going to use it for?”  
“There’s no need for the sarcasm, you know,” Cartman replied, looking slightly hurt before quickening his step to walk next to Kyle.  
Stan also thought of walking faster as well so he could join his friends’ conversation, but it was at that moment that Craig had decided that he was tired of walking. Without any warning what so ever, Craig silently and randomly climbed onto Stan’s back, wrapping his arms around his neck as Stan, taken completely off guard, crumbled to the ground instantly. Tweek and Wendy stopped to turn and look at them with wide eyes as Stan struggled to shove Craig off of him.  
“Craig, what are you doing?” Stan growled. “Get off of me!”  
“I’m tired of walking,” Craig replied in a monotone voice. “Carry me.”  
“Make Tweek carry you if you’re so lazy, then!” Stan snapped. Craig looked down at him with the biggest look of indifference.  
“Stop being a wimp,” he replied simply. Stan growled at him and struggled to his feet with Craig still clinging to his back. Wendy smiled sweetly at them.  
“I ship it,” she muttered to Tweek.  
“Seriously, Wendy?” Stan snapped, shoving past them before Tweek could respond. She continued to smile sweetly at her boyfriend, but didn’t say anything more as they hurried to catch up with the others. Stan pointedly refused to look at any of his friends, who were snickering at him, and instead kept his eyes in front of him, growling under his breath.  
Eventually, they emerged out of the tunnels and they found themselves standing at the bottom of the Hoover Dam. Everyone’s breaths caught in their throats as they looked up at the gargantuan wall they had just come out of.  
“The Hoover Dam looks way more impressive from down here,” Kenny said when he could finally find his voice. “It somehow looks bigger from down here.”  
“Pretty amazing for just being a big wall,” Kyle stated, glancing smugly at Cartman, who just gave him a look and didn’t respond.  
“Can we go back up now?” Tweek asked. “Being down here is making me nervous.”  
“It’s ok, babe,” Craig said, still clinging to Stan’s back. “Just turn your back to it and look at the river below us. Look how at how tiny it seems compared to everything else!”  
Tweek gave him a doubtful look, but did as he was told, going over to the edge of the platform to look at the river that stretched before them. Butters stood next to him, practically on his back, taking pictures of the Hoover Dam, trying to capture the entire thing in his camera.  
“Butters, you don’t need to take so many pictures of the same thing at one angle, you know,” Cartman growled, glancing at him with annoyance. Butters lowered his camera to give him a confused look.  
“Yes, I do,” he replied. “What if the first picture doesn’t come out right? I have to take multiples just in case! Better safe than sorry, you know!”  
“Well, that’s what you get for using an old man camera instead of your phone,” Cartman grumbled. Randy and Gerald both gave him an angry look as Butters went back to taking pictures of uninteresting stuff.  
The group stood there, gaping up at the big, majestic wall for a long moment. Then Craig poked Stan in the back of the head, despite still clinging to his back.  
“I’m bored again,” he announced. Stan glared over his shoulder at him but didn’t dignify his statement with a response.  
“Can we go soon?” Kenny asked. “I think we’ve seen all there is to see at the Hoover Dam. And that tour guide isn’t really helping with anything.”  
“Sure,” Randy said after a moment of thinking it over. “I think I saw a sign that said there’s a gift shop up top. We can go there for a bit and be back on the road in no time.”  
They made their way back to the top of the Hoover Dam, making a lot faster time since they didn’t have to actually wander through the tunnels and stuff, and they were on the road again about an hour later after hitting the gift shop. Tweek had bought another souvenir mug, this time with a disappearing and reappearing picture on the side, depending on the temperature of the mug. Kyle had bought Ike a snow globe with the Hoover Dam in the middle, while Kenny had made sure to buy a post card.  
The moment they got back into the RV, Tweek excitedly rushed over to the coffee maker to start making coffee for his new mug. Then he forced his friends to watch the picture on the mug change from the dam being built, to being fully completed. Craig just sat on the couch and watched his boyfriend with fondness in his eyes.  
The sun had already set by the time they got back on the road. Randy called back to the teens that they would reach Las Vegas in under an hour, and they all settled in to do their own thing. Kenny sat on his own bed, writing on the post card, while the others sat at the table, muttering occasionally to each other.  
“We’re not going to be staying in the RV while in Vegas, are we?” Stan wondered after a while, turning towards the front. “I mean, Vegas is famous for its hotels, and it would suck if we didn’t get to stay in one.”  
“Don’t worry about it,” Randy said. “I already booked one of the hotels for two nights. The rooms are huge and there’s an amazing pool and everything.”  
“And we’ll be close to the strip too,” Gerald added excitedly, turning around to look at them. Kyle gave him a look but didn’t respond to his statement. The others looked at each other excitedly.  
“What is there to do in Vegas when you’re under twenty-one and couldn’t give a crap about drinking and gambling?” Wendy wondered, leaning casually against her boyfriend.  
“I looked it up,” Stan said. “There’s actually a lot. There’s the world’s largest Ferris Wheel,” he glanced at Cartman to see if he would react, but he got decidedly nothing from him, “and different kinds of shows, and lots of places to eat, and just so much to look at.”  
“Neato!” Butters said, smiling. Cartman rolled his eyes.  
“Butters, no one says ‘Neato’ anymore,” he growled.  
“Anyway,” Stan continued, glaring at him. “What I’m saying is that I think we’re going to have an awesome time in Vegas.”  
“Good,” Cartman replied. “Because the Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon were boring.”  
“To you, maybe,” Kyle muttered, looking down at his phone with a bored expression. Cartman glanced at him, but didn’t say anything to defend himself.  
“I just hope there aren’t too many people where we’re staying,” Tweek stated, twitching slightly. “I don’t think I could handle the pressure.”  
“Tweek, it’s Vegas,” Stan pointed out. “There’s probably going to be a lot of people there.”  
“Gah!”  
Craig angrily got up from the couch and whacked Stan in the back of the head. “Stop freaking out my boyfriend,” he growled at him. Stan glared at him, rubbing the back of his head, but he wisely did not reply.  
In what seemed like no time at all, the van was crossing city limits and they were surrounded by the sights and sounds of Las Vegas. The teens all crowded around the windows to get a better look at the city. Neon signs lit the streets as far as they could see, and amazing looking buildings surrounded them. They all “ooh!”ed and “ahh!”ed at everything they saw.  
Finally, Randy pulled into a parking lot next to one of the large hotels. The author couldn’t decide which of the famous Las Vegas hotels they were staying at, so she decided to leave it up to the reader’s imagination instead.  
The rooms were just as amazing as Randy had said. It was more of a penthouse than a hotel room, but nobody was really complaining. There was a fancy main area, three or four large bedrooms, two bathrooms that had glass walk-in showers and a Jacuzzi tub in both rooms. There was a small bar and a mini fridge as well. The main area had one wall entirely made of glass, where they could see the famous strip.  
The moment they entered the room, everyone’s jaws dropped open. It was a long while before anyone could find their voice.  
“Holy shit, dad!” Stan said in a hushed voice. “How did you manage to pay for all of this?”  
“I found this great deal online,” Randy explained, raising his head proudly. “I may have also taken some money out of our retirement fund. But, what Sharon doesn’t know won’t hurt me.”  
Immediately, the teens took off running towards the different bedrooms, shouting out “I call this room!” or “Dibs on this bed!” Randy and Gerald stared in surprise after them before slowly collecting everyone’s stuff and hauling it into the room. Each bedroom had two large beds in them, totaling up to eight beds, but since Tweek and Craig were most definitely sharing a bed while Wendy was planning on sharing a bed with Stan, they all thankfully didn’t have a problem with the bedding arrangements.  
Kyle followed Stan and Wendy over to one of the rooms, where Wendy immediately threw herself face first onto one of the beds. A loud snore erupted from her a moment later, and Stan smiled and rolled his eyes.  
“Are the beds really that comfy, Wendy?” he asked, walking over to her.  
“Don’t ruin this moment for me,” came her muffled reply.  
Kyle walked over to the other bed and sat down on it, throwing his bag to the side and pulling out his laptop. As Stan sat down on the bed next to Wendy, Gerald suddenly poked his head into the room.  
“Randy and I are gonna go down to the lobby and check out some of the casinos,” he told his son. “Will you kids be alright up here by yourselves?”  
“I think so, dad,” Kyle replied. “Have fun.” Gerald nodded and left the room. By now, Wendy had pulled herself into a sitting position and was smiling at Stan and Kyle.  
“So,” she said mischievously, “Did you guys want to talk about bitches?” She giggled slightly. “I’m just kidding! They’re called women!”  
Stan gave her a confused look before turning to glance at Kyle, who had not looked up from his laptop. The ginger was typing furiously about something, but from the angle, Stan couldn’t see what it was.  
“What are you doing?” he asked his friend. Kyle didn’t look up.  
“I’m just checking something,” he muttered. “I heard the Devil’s in the Details was going to be doing a cross country tour this summer, and I was seeing if they’re going to any of the cities we might be stopping at.”  
“That’s a great idea!” Wendy said. “I love that band! Aren’t you friends with the lead singer or something?”  
Kyle looked up, looking slightly embarrassed. “I wouldn’t say that,” he replied. “I know someone who’s friends with her, and she gave us her number a few years ago.”  
“Oh yeah,” Stan remembered. “I remember that now! She said she loved South Park and told us to give her a call if we ever wanted to go to one of her band’s concerts.”  
Before Kyle could reply, there was a knock on the door and Gerald was poking his head in once more, looking slightly concerned.  
“Hey Kyle,” he greeted. “Have you seen my wallet anywhere? I can’t find it, and I could have sworn it was in my pockets, but it’s not there.”  
“Yeah,” Kyle replied, reaching into his coat pocket. “That’s because I have it.”  
Gerald blinked in surprise as Kyle pulled his wallet out, then gave him a smile. “Oh, well thank you, Kyle,” he said, holding out his hand. Kyle made no move to hand it over. “Well? Aren’t you going to give it back to me?”  
“No,” his son answered, shoving the wallet back into his coat pocket.  
“Why not?” Gerald asked, frowning at him. Kyle rolled his eyes.  
“Because the last time you went to a casino, you lost our house and almost got all of South Park taken over by Native Americans,” he sighed. “And besides, mom told me right before we left not to let you spend any money on gambling.”  
“I promise I won’t spend all of my money,” his dad growled. “Besides, I might win the big time!”  
“Sorry pops,” Kyle said, going back to his laptop. “Mom’s orders.”  
“Just give me fifty bucks,” Gerald pleaded.  
“Nope.”  
“But I’m your father!”  
“I’m still not giving you back your wallet.”  
“Fine!” Gerald snapped. “I’ll just go and watch Randy win it all and do absolutely nothing. I won’t lose anything, but I also won’t get to win anything. At all. Happy now?”  
“Yup,” was all his son said.  
Gerald let out a huff and left the room once more. They heard him stomp away, but Kyle still refused to look up or move. Stan gave his friend a confused look, while Wendy had an amused grin on her face.  
“You did the right thing, Kyle,” she told him.  
“Thanks, Wendy,” Kyle sighed. “I just hope he doesn’t try to pawn any money off of Stan’s dad.” He looked over at his two friends. “It looks like Reeah and her band will be playing near Yellowstone,” he told them. “And a couple other places I know our dads will want to go to.” Stan grinned at him.  
“Perfect,” he replied. “This really is going to be the best summer ever! Make the call!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to end this chapter here, because I don’t have anything else to add at the moment, and I think I’ve taken too long to not update. So, next time, I’m going to have them going around and doing stuff in Vegas, I’ll be introducing one of my running plot points, and we’ll really get to have some fun! Sorry that this chapter took so long to come out, but I am terrible about balancing life and writing. Besides, I’ve been busy making a man. With blonde hair and a tan. And he’s good for relieving my…tension.


End file.
